


The Break-up Scene: Edward's POV

by ObsessedtwibrarianOTB



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-29 22:49:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6397129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObsessedtwibrarianOTB/pseuds/ObsessedtwibrarianOTB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What was going through Edward's mind before, during, and after the break-up scene in New Moon?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Break-up Scene: Edward's POV

**Preface:** This is the breakup scene from New Moon in Edward’s POV. I have used the exact dialogue from New Moon in the actual woods scene. Everything else is my imagination.

 

I was sitting alone on the porch, after having just returned from Bella’s room, thinking about what I was going to do.  The birthday party had been a fiasco of mammoth proportions: Bella bleeding profusely, Jasper’s attack and every other vampire in the room with the exception of Carlisle, thirsting for their own share of her, including me. _Especially_ me.

I’d gone out into the woods to talk to Jasper while Carlisle was bandaging Bella’s arm. He’d been distraught, apologizing over and over again, while at the same time, fighting to get loose from everyone’s arms.  I'd felt no anger toward Jasper. You can’t fault someone for being what they are, and I’d wanted Bella’s blood just as badly. That was what had angered and shamed me the most about the entire thing. I'd still wanted it. Even after overcoming the thirst to save her from James, her blood had still called to me stronger than ever.

I was a fool to think this could ever work. She deserved a normal life. She deserved a man who could hold her, kiss her, and love her without fear of killing her. A man she could build a future with, have a home with, children with.  Not someone like me.

I heard the screen door open. Alice.

“You’re breaking up with her,” she said softly. It wasn’t a question. Of course she’d already seen our future.

“I’m leaving,” I stated flatly. I hadn’t realized I’d even made the decision until the words left my mouth.

“Edward, you can’t!” Alice wailed softly.

“I can, and I _will_ ,” I growled through clenched teeth. Just the thought of leaving made me sick with grief, but it was best for Bella.

“She’ll fall apart. She won’t survive it,” Alice insisted. “You can’t do this.”

Alice continued to plead with me, but in the end, she knew there was no use. As soon as the rest of the family heard my plans, they started making their own. No one else ventured out onto the porch to try and change my mind. I think they all knew, deep down, that it was for the best.

Alice and Jasper were leaving in the morning. Jasper needed time, he said, to 'reevaluate who I am'. Ridiculous, really. What was there to think about? He was a vampire. We _all_ were. We were never going to stop craving human blood as long as we existed. Only Carlisle seemed to be able to rise above it. I envied him.

Rose and Emmett were leaving, too. She didn’t seem too upset over the idea of leaving like I thought she’d be, but Emmett was very upset. He’d grown to like Bella, but if everyone else was leaving, he had no choice. Rose tempted him away with descriptions of some exotic trip that had them both filled with barely subdued excitement. _I'm glad someone, at least, is happy._

Carlisle and Esme were in the living room quietly discussing where they should relocate after his resignation from the hospital tomorrow.

I was ashamed of my weakness. My family was being torn apart because of it. I hated they were being forced to uproot again, and all because I stupidly fell in love with a human girl. All because I couldn’t find the strength to walk away a long time ago.

I spent the rest of the night planning how I’d tell her. I tried to imagine it in my mind: the words I’d say, the things she’d say back. I mentally prepared myself for tears, pleading, and any other ploy she might use to try and convince me to stay. I rehearsed it over and over. The first time I said the words in my mind, I flinched, but I kept repeating them until they no longer meant anything. They were just words: _Bella…we’re leaving._ Nouns and verbs. _I’m no good for you, Bella._ Just sentences. _I don’t want you._ Just letters strung together.  I had to completely strip myself of all emotion, or I’d never be able to do it.

School could have been agony, but it wasn’t. Everyone was gone now; I was the only one left. The empty lunch table where we all used to sit together could have torn me apart, but it didn’t. Bella’s quiet desperateness could have punched a hole right through my heart, but it didn’t. It had no effect on me. Nothing that day at school affected me. My emotions were completely shut down. I went through the day in a numbed state. Bella and I kept to our routine, but we talked little. What little we did say was pained and pointless.  I’d already become an emotional zombie. Just a small foreshadowing of the agony that was soon to become my life.

She invited me to come over to her house after she got home from work later that night. I agreed; I had no legitimate reason to refuse. I’d go, but it would be just a regular visit, a gradual breaking of ties. I wouldn’t be staying with her in her room tonight. I planned to visit it only one more time _without_ Bella around. That should have saddened me, but nothing could break through the wall I’d already built.

I arrived at the house before her. I’d never done that before. She’d suspect something was wrong as soon as she saw my car in her driveway. I stared sightlessly at the program Charlie was watching. We didn’t talk. He didn’t seem to feel it was necessary, neither did I. We were both waiting for Bella.

We spent an endless amount of time taking pointless pictures with the camera she’d gotten for her birthday. I made a mental note to destroy any with me in them before I left. I would make sure nothing of me was left behind. Hopefully, that would make it easier for her to move on.

I refused her invitation to return to her room later. Why prolong the agony? I returned home to a now empty shell of a house. I sat in my room that last night and debated what I should take and what I should leave. Material things were no longer important to me. The only thing of value in that room was the journal I’d started writing in when I'd met her. I decided to take it. I’d probably never open it again, but the memory needed to be preserved. For whom, I didn’t know, but I couldn’t imagine leaving it behind.

My very last day of high school was as pointless and mind numbing as the day before. She spent a ridiculous amount of time taking pictures with her new camera. It would have been sad watching her grasp hopelessly at happiness if I’d had any ability to feel still left inside of me.

She had to work again. I couldn't afford to wait until after she got home from work. I really should have done it last night, but the stiff spine I thought I had had been nonexistent.  Today.  It had to be done today. Neither one of us could take any more of these pointless emotionless routines.

“Do you mind if I come over today?”

“Of course not,” she answered.

“I’d like to come now.”

She made some explanation about dropping a letter in the mailbox and I made a half-hearted attempt at humor by telling her I’d do it and still beat her home. Neither one of us found it funny. I was waiting for her when she pulled in her driveway. I got out of my car and walked over to meet her. I pulled her book bag from her hand and shoved it back into her truck. She wouldn’t need it.

“Come for a walk with me.” My voice sounded flat. The wall I’d built to hold back my feelings was up and stronger than ever.

I didn’t wait for an answer. Instead I pulled her along behind me toward the back of the yard, where short groomed grass met the darkness of the forest. I took her only a few steps into the trees before I stopped and faced her.  I leaned against a tree, repeated the necessary words in my head, as I gathered the courage to speak. I kept reminding myself they were just words…letters strung together.

“Okay, let’s talk,” she said.

I started to blurt out her name, but I stopped myself just in time. I had to start wiping that combination of letters completely from my mind. Now was just as good a time to start as any. I took an unneeded deep breath and spoke.  “We’re leaving,” I said flatly. _I’m leaving._

“Why now? Another year—“ she said hesitantly.

I interrupted her before she could venture off into some distorted version of happily-ever-after. “It’s time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he’s claiming thirty-three now. We’d have to start over soon regardless.”

She stared back at me in confusion; I stared coldly back.

“When you say we—,” she whispered.

“I mean my family and myself.” I spoke each word slowly and succinctly. She had to have heard the unspoken ones. _Not you._

She started shaking her head in denial. I was prepared for denials.  

“Okay,” she said. “I’ll come with you.”

“You can’t. Where we’re going…It’s not the right place for you.” _Make her feel like she doesn’t belong._

“Where you are is the right place for me,” she said persistently.

I was prepared for persistence. “I’m no good for you,” I said in the same emotionless tone. _Never have been. Never will be._

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she retorted. “You’re the very best part of my life.”

“My world is not for you,” I said grimly. _Vampires and humans. Predators and prey._

Then the begging started. I was prepared for begging, as well.

“What happened with Jasper—that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!” she yelled.

“You’re right,” I agreed. “It was exactly what was to be expected.” _Me or someone like me will eventually kill you._

“You promised! In Phoenix, you promised you would stay—“she said in a pleading voice.

I interrupted her immediately with the correction. “As long as that was best for you."

“No! This is about my soul, isn’t it?” She was shouting in fury now. “Carlisle told me about that, and I don’t care, Edward. I don’t care! You can have my soul. I don’t want it without you—it’s yours already!”

I wasn't prepared for her anger or the soul argument. She threw me off balance for a moment with that one, but I stared at the ground and searched my mind for something, some combination of letters and words that would stop this prolonging of the agony.  As I found that perfect combination, I closed down the rest of my heart and brought up that wall like a steel trap.

“I don’t want you to come with me,” I said slowly. _She won’t believe me. How could she after the hundreds of times I told her what she meant to me?_ I had to make her believe, whatever it took. I stared coldly into her eyes as the words sunk in.

“You…don’t…want me?” she said in a small hopeless whisper. A small crack formed in the wall, big enough that a dart of pain shot straight to my heart.  _Make her believe it! Make her think it’s the truth!_

“No.” Emotionless voice. Cold, empty stare.

“Well, that changes things,” she said calmly.

I was momentarily stunned at how quickly she’d accepted the lie, but I pushed on before the cracks in my armor widened.  “Of course, I’ll always love you…in a way.” _With every fiber of my being, with every cell that makes up my lifeless body, with every thought that fills my mind for the rest of eternity._

“But what happened the other night made me realize it’s time for a change. Because I’m…tired of pretending to be something I’m not. I am not human.” _I’ve longed to be human every second I’ve been with you, but it’s impossible._

“I’ve let this go on much too long, and I’m sorry for that.” It was the only completely truthful thing I’d said since we’d started this.

“Don’t,” she whispered shakily. “Don’t do this.”

 _It’s too late. I’ve already done it._ If I was to be completely honest with myself, I’d have to admit I’d started pulling away from her as soon as the whole James thing was over. Since then I’d never lifted a finger to stop the widening of that distance.  The birthday party was merely the last straw. The distance between us was too wide now for either of us to breach.

“You’re not good for me.” _You’re the only good thing that’s come into my life in over a century._

I watched impassively as she struggled for something to say. “If…that’s what you want,” she whispered.

I just nodded. I felt the crack in my control start to widen. I steeled myself and asked for one last thing from her. I had no right whatsoever to ask for _anything,_ but I couldn’t leave without gaining this one small assurance.  “I would like to ask one favor, though, if that’s not too much,” I said. The wall I’d built against the pain was shaky. I needed it to hold just a little longer until this was over.

“Anything,” she vowed in a faintly stronger voice.

Then the wall fell partially for a moment, and emotion came rushing in. The love I felt for her, the protectiveness, the need. I let it wash over me. I needed my emotions to gain this one last promise from her.  “Don’t do anything reckless or stupid,” I said, my eyes boring into hers. “Do you understand what I’m saying?” _I couldn’t exist if anything happened to you._

She only nodded, helplessly. I believed her. She wouldn’t take chances with her own life. Then I brought the wall back up. My eyes faded to empty. “I’m thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself—for _him_.” _Not for me. I’m not worth it._

She nodded again. “I will,” she whispered.

“And I’ll make you a promise in return,” I said. “I promise this will be the last time you’ll see me. I won’t come back. I won’t put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I’d never existed. Don’t worry.” My smile held no warmth. “You’re human—your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind.” _They never heal for mine._

“And your memories?” she asked.

“Well—” _Don’t let her know that the memory of her eyes, her scent, her blood and her love will haunt you for eternity._  “—I won’t forget. But my kind…we’re very easily distracted.” I smiled an empty smile.

I stepped back away from her and prepared to leave. My emotional wall was crumbling; I felt the push of pain behind it. “That’s everything, I suppose. We won’t bother you again,” I said.

I watched complete surprise wash across her face. “Alice isn’t coming back,” she said softly.

“No. They’re all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye.” I nearly choked on the last word as I realized that I’d never rehearsed “goodbye”. I’d never actually said that word aloud or in my mind.

“Alice is gone?” she asked. Her voice was as blank as mine.

“She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her a clean break would be better for you.”  Actually, we’d fought quite awhile over this one point. I’d ended up threatening her, which I regretted now with all my heart.

“Goodbye…Bella,” I said quietly. Her name stung on my tongue, but this would be the last time I’d ever utter it.

“Wait!” she choked.

She was reaching for me. The wall was crumbling fast. I had to end this. I was hurting her more by prolonging it.  I grabbed her wrists and pinned them to her sides. _Don’t. I’m out of your reach now. Don’t._ The pain I’d kept solidly behind that wall was snaking through. I only had the strength for one last gesture. I leaned down and pressed my lips very lightly to her forehead. Her scent flooded into every pore of my body. I accepted it. The pain of its memory would be my cross to bear.

“Take care of yourself,” I said softly as I breathed against her skin.

The pain was scratching and clawing at the wall, threatening to break through. She never saw my receding form, so quick was I to get away. Faster than any human could see, I went into her room and removed all vestiges of myself: pictures, gifts, notes, anything and everything that could possibly remind her of our time together. I pulled up a floorboard and stashed everything there. For some reason, I couldn’t bear to destroy them, just like I couldn’t destroy my journal.

As I fled from her room and into the forest, that steel wall that had been holding back all my emotions fell completely. As I raced through the woods at inhuman speed, the pain poured into me and burned its way through my mind and body.  I was dimly away of someone following me, but I paid them no heed. I was running faster than I ever had. How fast would I have to run to escape this misery? How far? Pain and rage was building in me as I flew through the woods.  I let it out, let it run rampant through my body as I tore my way through the forest. I ripped tree limbs, threw stones from my path, and uprooted small trees as I passed. Nothing in my path escaped my wrath, my rage, my agonizing pain.  I could have ran like this forever; my limbs would never tire. But where could I go? There was no escaping it. Why was I even trying?

I stopped only for a moment when I reached a small clearing. I was miles away from any civilization now. There was no one around to watch the devastation I was about to wreak upon my surroundings and myself. I hesitated, then stood frozen in place as the agony, the searing emptiness of what I’d just done crashed down on me.  A loud and vicious, deep-throated growl erupted from my throat. I went on a rampage of destruction, howling my pain and rage to the heavens. I ripped, tore, screamed, pounded and literally destroyed everything surrounding the small clearing.  When everything around me had been totally annihilated, I staggered and fell to the ground on my knees. Dry, heaving sobs shook my body; my wails of anguish filled the silent air.

Then I felt a presence behind me.

_Edward…_

It was Alice. She knelt beside me and gathered me into her arms. There was nothing she could do to ease my pain, but I welcomed her attempt. She held me and crooned softly as I continued my tearless sobbing.

_Let it out, Edward. Let it all out._

She rocked me gently, ran her fingers lightly through my hair and whispered her love for me into the silence, as I let it all out.

_I’m so sorry._

After awhile, the sobbing stopped, the shaking stopped. The pain, the agony, the rage, it was all gone. There was nothing of any meaning left inside of me.  I was an empty shell.

“What am I going to do, Alice?” I whispered, my voice hoarse and ragged.

She didn’t answer. What could she say that hadn’t already been said and fought about? She offered me the only thing she could: her presence and her comfort.

“I’ll keep watch over her for you,” she whispered. “If that will help.”

I was tempted, but in the end, I knew if I had any contact with her, even indirectly, it would be too easy to come back. It had to be a clean break.  “No,” I ordered her. “No one is to keep in touch with her. No one. Do you understand, Alice?  It ends today,” I whispered softly.

“Where are you going to go?” she asked quietly.

“To hell,” I answered flatly.

_An eternity without her._

_My own personal hell…_

 


End file.
